


To Forget

by ImDreamingAboutLife



Series: Sanversweek [1]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, centered around Maggie growing up after being kicked out, with not so great coping mechanism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-16 15:48:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11256060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImDreamingAboutLife/pseuds/ImDreamingAboutLife
Summary: When Maggie gets kicked out, she needs to learn how to live with it. Her coping mechanism probably isn't the best.





	To Forget

**Author's Note:**

> This is... something new for me, I hope it resonates because I really enjoyed writing it.

When she was trying to cope with being kicked out, Maggie spent a lot of time alone. 

The first few weeks were the loneliest. At school (a new school) she wouldn’t say a word to anyone, afraid she’d somehow end up revealing why she transferred in the middle of the year and be shunned all over again. At her aunt’s house, she didn’t have much of a choice. She could live there and be a ghost or she could go.

She didn’t sleep. She saw her father yelling and her mother crying and tears blurring her own sight over and over again, eyes closed or not.

The first few weeks were the loneliest, yes. But they weren’t the worst.

The worst moments were those months later, when she realized this was it. She didn’t have a home left. Her parents didn’t want her anymore. She was on her own.

Around the time she turned fifteen, she wanted to try living again. Only she didn’t really know what that meant to her anymore. At school she had slowly gotten a reputation, there were rumours going around that the silent sophomore who was always dressed in a rugged leather jacket, had been kicked out of her last school for anything between smoking to breaking someone’s ribs. She decided that if she wanted to forget, she’d try to make herself believe something else. So she went with it.

During the first summer after she was kicked out, she started hanging out with a group of other outcasts. First there was Michael, he’d told her virtually nothing about his life, but she knew he had his own ghosts. They’d met in detention. Well, technically it wasn’t detention, it was the detention room. They both spent their free periods there, hoping they could be alone. But instead of alone they ended up in a silent agreement that the room was big enough for the both of them. He was three years older than her, in his senior year for the second time. He’d graduate a few months later, but he became the closest thing she had to a friend. 

He introduced her to his friends right after finals. Cory, Jaime, William and Lila. Lila.

She was the youngest out of the four of them, but she was still two years older than Maggie. The first time they met, Maggie knew she’d follow the girl to the depths of whatever hell she led her into. That summer was the first time she started to feel good again.

There was a night, they were sitting by a campfire that they’d lit because, “that’s what those kids do in movies right?” and the two oldest guys had brought a few bottles of liquor. Maggie had been hesitant to drink. It wouldn’t be the first time, but it would be the first time since Eliza. In the end it was Lila who convinced her. The girl had taken a bottle from Cory’s hands and had taken a seat right next to her. 

She’d been drinking, Maggie had seen that. Maybe that was why she went to sit so close to her. Their legs were touching and arms were brushing. Lila looked her right in the eye and leaned in. For a second Maggie was sure she’d kiss her, but just when she was about to close her eyes, Lila turned so she could whisper something in her ear.

“Do you want a shot?” She said, brushing her lips against the side of Maggie’s face. Maggie felt wide awake and she decided that she didn’t have anything to lose anymore. She nodded, put her hand over Lila’s and pulled the bottle they both held to her lips. The Vodka burned in her throat but the feeling was swept aside in favor of the other girl’s hand tilting her face up so they were eye to eye. “Would you mind it if I kissed you?” Lila asked her and Maggie only managed to shake her head.

That was the first night she kissed a girl. That was the first night she slept with a girl. That was the first night she truly felt that it was all real.

That summer she had countless nights like that one. Only sometimes one shot became two, three, four, five, more. She would never be the one that drank the most, but she knew that she crossed her own limits more often than not. Forgetting just outweighed the inevitable hangover.

When Lila went off to college, Maggie wasn’t heartbroken. She’d felt the strongest attraction to this girl she ever felt, but when push came to shove, they ended right at attraction. They were friends that had amazing sex and nothing more.

The years after that, Maggie got adjusted to her new normal. She slowly started making friends her own age and sometimes she’d have conversations with her aunt. Those last were few and far in between, but every single one was a little more honest, a little more understanding. Her aunt didn’t accept her yet, but for the first time she felt like maybe someday. Maybe someday her aunt would understand her, maybe someday her family would.

She started thinking about her future. When she was in her senior year she set her sights on becoming a cop. She decided that because she had to live through a nightmare, she would try to save others from it. 

But some days her thoughts would be taken over by her father’s face. On those nights she didn’t turn to her new friends, people who smiled without sorrows and lifted her spirit with their own optimism. No, on those nights she called Michael. They’d end up in a bar where no one bothered to card Maggie and they’d both drink away their past for the night.

She grew up to be exactly who she set her mind to being. Well, not exactly. She became a cop that fought for kids who lost their childhood, she became an independent woman, a proud lesbian and she even managed to fall in love a few times. But she never intended to have her demons stay with her.

Most days she could keep them locked away, she could be happy with her friends or her girlfriend. On others they roamed freely through her head, ravaging her thoughts and making her choose between doing really stupid shit like cheat on her girlfriend of five years or grab a bottle of scotch and drink them away. Sadly sometimes doing the latter ended up making her do the former too.

When she met Alex, things started changing. With Alex she felt like she found someone that understood her, someone that had demons all her own to fight and knew that sometimes you lost the battle.  
The thing was, the longer they were together, the fewer battles she lost.

About a year after they met, Maggie broke for the first time in eight months.

It was a Saturday evening, around seven. Alex wasn’t home yet and Maggie had been preparing dinner. She’d been looking at possible destinations to book a trip to for their upcoming anniversary, she’d already asked J’onn if she could steal his best agent for a week and he’d just told her to make sure she and his best girl made it count. Everything had been going great, right up until she got the call.

Her aunt called her every few weeks, they’d grown closer after Maggie graduated and she considered her the only blood family she had left. When Maggie picked up, she was more than a little excited to tell the woman about her plans with her amazing girlfriend that she loved so much. Only she didn’t get much of a chance.

“Maggie, there’s something I need to tell you.” She said immediately.

“Are you okay?” Maggie responded.

“I am, yes. But, Maggie, honey, I know this might be hard for you to hear, but your father isn’t.”

She didn’t say anything.

“He went into the hospital last week, I didn’t call you before because we didn’t think it was serious, but your mother just called me to say that he’s been diagnosed with stage four lung cancer. She said he probably has a few weeks.”

There was a long silence before Maggie inhaled sharply to hold back tears.

“Honey, I know this is hard for you, but I thought you should know, and I think your mother does too. It’s up to you to decide what you do with this, just know that if you wanted to come and say goodbye, you won’t be turned away.” Her aunt finished.

“I’ll think about it, thank you for telling me. I’ll talk to you when I process it okay?” Maggie managed to say, before uttering a weak “bye” and hanging up her phone.

It takes four minutes for her to move, she puts her phone on the counter, turns off the stove and heads to the other side of the kitchen. She pulls a bottle of bourbon out of the cupboard and takes a large swig. She wasn’t ready for this, all she can see is her father yelling mixed with her father dying and she can’t take it. So she drinks more. And more. And more.

By the time Alex walks in, the bottle is halfway done and Maggie is sitting against a wall, eyes open but seeing nothing outside of her thoughts.

“Maggie? What’s wrong?” Alex asks immediately.

“Nothn, jusss go to bed.” Is all Maggie manages to slur.

“You’re drunk, are you okay? What happened?” Alex says, while she walks towards her girlfriend and takes her face in between her hands.

Maggie doesn’t say anything, she just looks towards the ground and lets the tears she’s been trying to hold back escape.

“You don’t have to tell me now, just let me take care of you. You’ll be okay, I promise.” Is all Alex says. She takes her in her arms and carries her to their bedroom, while Maggie starts sobbing against her shoulder. Alex undresses her and puts her in bed.

“Do you want me to stay with you?” She asks, Maggie just nods.

That night Maggie curls into a ball while Alex holds her close and lets her cry until she has no tears left and falls asleep out of pure exhaustion.

In the morning she tells Alex about everything and Alex listens and comforts her when she can’t continue because she has a lump in her throat.

In the end, they decide that whatever happens, whatever Maggie feels she needs to do, Alex will be there to help her get through it.

And Maggie knows what she needs to do. So when they are standing in the door of her father’s hospital room, Alex’s hand is on her shoulder. And when they walk in and the old man looks his daughter in the eye for the first time in seventeen years, Maggie isn’t scared. She’s heartbroken and she can’t find her voice, but for the first time, she knows she’ll be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Any comments?
> 
> tumblr: Imdreamingaboutlife


End file.
